I Wanna Breathe With My Heart October 7, 2009
I wanna breathe through my heart,
And let the fear dissipate.
I wanna breathe through my heart,
I know there’s time, but I just can’t wait.
I wanna breathe through my heart,
And feel the warmth of your embrace.
I wanna breathe through my heart,
And see that smile on your face.
I wanna breathe through my heart,
There’s only room for me and you.
I wanna breathe through my heart,
Whatever it is that you need, I’ll do.
I wanna breathe through my heart,
And end this stifling of our truth.
I wanna breathe through my heart,
Feel brave and free like in our youth.
I wanna breathe through my heart,
And place it gently in your hand.
I wanna breathe through my heart,
Forever yours here I will stand.
*kae*
Here To Stay July 29, 2009
When love walked in the door,
Instinctively, I was scared.
I thought you looked familiar,
And I wasn’t quite prepared.
When love said hello,
My heart just skipped a beat.
Your voice was so strong…
So gentle…and so sweet.
When love grabbed my hand,
My feet froze in time.
But my steps were completely ordered
By your smile and spirit kind.
When love touched my lower back,
And we laughed the night away.
I felt in my heart of hearts,
Love just might be here to stay.
*kae*
Part Two July 22, 2009
When will you get here?
How will it be?
How will you hold me?
And when would you leave?
What will we first say?
And what will we think?
Will you look sexy?
And should I wear pink?
Will you just kiss me?
Or will you just smile?
Will we embrace chemistry?
Or opt to be in denial?
Will you then miss me?
My missing piece might be you.
Will our first visit,
Be blessed with part two?
*kae*
I fantasize… July 7, 2009
I fantasize…
I fantasize about you from time to time
As I look out my bedroom window and
Reflect on everything about you that is
Amazingly beautiful and innocently flirtatious.
I fantasize about all of the things that
I want to share with you when that day comes
That we can have our time and
Enjoy each other’s company face to face.
I fantasize about every little thing you do.
I’ve been a lot of places…and seen many faces..but
You….something about you really intrigues me.
You never smile but your hippy happiness is contagious.
I fantasize about having life experiences with you,
And I silently hope that you crave those with me.
I have to admit, you’ve raised my antenna so
Unexpectedly but hey….isn’t that how it always happens.
I fantasize about how intense our encounter will be.
And about how we’ll tell ourselves that
It’s just going be a one-time occurrence,
Knowing all the while that it will be like a drug.
I fantasize about being your addiction, and
About you being mine in an uninhibited sort of way.
Don’t hesitate to tell me whatever it is that you desire…
Or however long you want it.
I fantasize about experiencing the kind of high
With you that makes me feel like my feet are
Always 11 feet and 27 inches off the ground.
24 hours a day and 7 days a week.
I fantasize…
*kae*
But Until Then… June 24, 2009
A friend of mine said to me recently, “Kae…you’re not able to fall in love…you just like the idea of love.” When she said it, I kinda chuckled like “She’s cute…but she doesn’t really know me.” Another person made a comment along similar lines. She said, “Man, every time I see Kae, she’s with a new person.” For a split second, it was funny. But then I became saddened about the statement. What is it about me that does not allow me to give another person permission to reach the core of my heart? What is it about love that will not let me open up completely? I always say that true love is something that I want. I really do want to fall in love. I really do want to stand in love. But my heart is not easily given. My heart is one of the most precious vessels in my body, and I do protect it. Complete vulnerability with another person is something that I often contemplate, but those experiences have been few and far between. I will allow myself to be completely vulnerable yet again, but until then…
I have full faith and confidence that my special someone is out there, and I’ve been waiting for a long time for our paths to cross at a point when we are both ready, willing and able to love and be “in love.” The sometimes difficult task isn’t being ready, willing and able to love and be “in love” but it’s in figuring out if it’s the right person when they’re presented to you. Sometimes, you’re presented with Person A but Person A really turns out to be Person B (and that could be a good or a bad thing). It’s always been important for me to take my time and make sure I’m being presented with the person that I think I’ve found…and they need to also make sure they’re being presented with the person that they think they’ve found in me. There are things about my personality that will never, ever change. I am proud of who I am. I love who I am…and I need to be with someone who loves me just as I am, as well. I will meet that person who accepts me and who I feel that I can accept as is, but until then…
Sometimes, people early on in relationships say that they are willing to change for their mate. I’ve always thought that’s a bad proposition because the change that you experience should be just because you want to be a better person for yourself first and foremost. One of my favorite Gandhi phrases is “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” I really do believe that. If I want to surround myself by people who are good hearted, then that’s how I need to be. If I want a world where people are not jerks for the sake of being jerks, then I cannot surround myself with those types of people and I can’t allow myself to take on those traits. If I want people to be slow to anger, then that’s the person that I will be. If I want people to be balanced in the way they express their love and passions, then maybe I should be that person. Ultimately, you will find yourself surrounded by those same types of people that exude your personality traits. It’s not narcissistic…it’s just the laws of attraction. Sometimes it takes a little bit of time for the laws of attraction to manifest, but until then…
I firmly believe that at the end of the day, there are no mistakes. India.Arie has a song where she says her mate could be with her “a season or a lifetime, forever or a year…but for the first time in my life I’m not worried about the future….cause we have such a wonderful time when we’re together…however things turn out it’s alright…cause you’ve already changed my life.” I think those words are powerful. And I think that it’s a brave notion to be willing to walk away when you know that your relationship with a person has run its course. I guess that takes me back to the statements that were made about me — “Kae…you’re not able to fall in love…you just like the idea of love.” — “Man, every time I see Kae, she’s with a new person.” The foremost reality is, yes…I am able to fall in love and I know that it will happen when it’s supposed to but the time just isn’t now. The second reality is that I am bold and brave enough to look at relationships realistically and make the determination that the person that I’m with is not my “lifetime.” The third reality is that I am happy with who I am, where I am in life, and how I’ve been blessed to have had love experiences, but I am in no hurry to find that person before my time. I know that my heart will eventually say yes, but until then…
*kae*
Epiphany June 11, 2009
I’m enjoying this sudden manifestation of the essence of you…
Never dreamt my heart could race this fast for anyone.
Maybe it was the way you looked at me as I walked in your direction?
Or maybe it was how our first embrace seemed to last for hours?
Never believed the touch of a hand could be so powerful.
Maybe it was the chills that it sent through my body?
Or maybe it was the fire that exploded inside of me?
Never knew a kiss could be filled with such intensity and emotion?
Maybe it was the way that my head began to spin?
Or maybe it was how your lips caused me to melt into your divine tenderness?
Never saw anyone quite as intriguing and beautiful as you?
Maybe it’s your magnetic smile that consumes my every thought?
Or maybe it’s your perfect balance between complexity and simplicity.
Never dreamt…never believed…never knew…never saw…
But I’m enjoying this sudden manifestation of the essence of you…
*kae*
What I Want… June 4, 2009
I want smiles when sadness intrudes,
rainbows when the clouds fade,
hugs when my spirit is low,
faith when I no longer believe,
confidence when doubt reappears, and
love when life seems incomplete.
Standing In Love June 1, 2009
Many people talk about falling in love,
But I’m looking for something even deeper.
I desire more than just to fall in love…
I want to stand in it.
I will not allow myself to appear helpless
And justify my actions by saying I just “fell in love.”
Loving and being in love will be a conscious,
Meaningful decision of which I take full ownership.
I want to own how I communicate my emotions.
I want to own my love for you.
I want to own my love and respect for our relationship.
You will know that you’re a special gift and deserve nothing less
Than genuine and purposeful love so
When it happens, I will own love…I will be love…
I will stand in love.
*kae*
For the Love of Nature May 28, 2009
Tiny drops of clear white dew
Spread about on petals of coreopsis
After a long evening of May showers.
The moon illuminates the midnight sky.
I close my eyes thinking of you.
The golden morning sun begs to show its face.
Ozzie wags his tail while squirrels scurry about.
What appeared as remnants of last evening’s dew
Has replenished the soil, as well as my spirit.
Can’t believe you’re knocking at my door.
The afternoon blue skies have opened up to us.
As we walk holding hands through the park,
God smiles on us with rays of sunshine
And promises to allow us to stay in yellow
For as long as you will have me.
*kae*
